Summer, where art thou?

As a parent it's easy to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Things come at you from all directions, leaving me angry or sad or frustrated. My two older kids were late bloomers and continue to have their unique issues and now I'm turning my attention to my youngest. Does he or doesn't he, sometimes he babbles like a baby then he'll surprise me with a three to four word sentence. Sometimes he'll hold himself back from social situations then other times he'll be in the middle of things. He doesn't cover his ears or cower under a table when there is a loud noise like his older brother but he will complain that something is too loud. If I didn't already have a son on the spectrum I'm sure I would have brushed aside these feelings that something is wrong. Or maybe I am so hypersensitive I'm turning a few quirky moments into something much bigger. I've even considered that my three year old is really a mischievous genius just messing with my head. Even the weather is conspiring against me. It's cold, now it's hot, now it's wet, well it's always wet here. On the few days it has been nice though I tend to forget those bad days, why waste the energy and the day being sad or angry or frustrated. Better yet, why waste the energy on things I can't control. And that's what I have to remind myself of; put aside my various concerns even for a moment to enjoy the sunshine provided by my children everyday.

Grandma's pearls

My grandma is 93 years old and still going strong. I don’t visit nearly often enough but she has never made me feel guilty, just excited to sit with me and catch up. Recently she suffered a fall and is rehabilitating at a care center. Though slow going, she has every intention of getting back on her feet and back in her apartment. I love her determination. During this visit, she had some pearls of wisdom to share with me and I wanted to write them down to look on them whenever I’m feeling low.

"Enjoy life now. I have had a long and happy life so far and wants to keep enjoying it. Life is too short to hold onto grudges or dislike others because of some fault. Nobody is perfect, least of all me. I'm sure that along the way of bringing up my daughter and son, I've embarrassed them both but they are adults now and have to navigate their own paths. So love the family around you and enjoy the time left with friends."

Better than any real pearls, these are pearls I will dearly hold onto. I love my grandma and look forward to more years of her stories, her wisdom and warmth.

Winds of Change

I guess I was inspired by the beach, the sands and the kites. Or maybe lack of sleep and an excruciating long drive back home coupled with finding a glam rock station is what finally did it. In any case here is my tribute to both glam rock and the kite festival.

The story behind the pictures

They say a picture is worth a thousand words but hopefully I can convey less and the reader can enjoy more. The boys and I made a quick trip to my hometown to pick up their sister and decided to make a side trip to Long Beach, WA for the kite festival. Here are our stories:

Trevor loves the sand and playing in the ocean. He's the opposite of Ariel. I think he would be happy as a merman. He thought it would be fun to make bird tracks coming out of the water. I think in the hopes someone would notice the tracks and follow them up the beach. He enjoys tricking people.

Here are two little girls only 2 1/2 years apart and inseparable.
Before their time together was up, they were plotting out the
rest of the year with sleep overs at each others house. Their
five days together was filled with shopping trips, playing
barbies and admiring each other's princess sleeping
bag. I can only hope the bond forged now stays as strong as
they get older.

This little guy really throws caution to the wind and runs where

ever his feet take him. Here, they took him to a restricted area

for registered kite fliers only. Some of those kites were bigger

than my van and I was told if a person was caught on the string,

could easily be lifted and carried as far as the wind could take the

kite. Rather than holding them up all day, these smart fliers

anchored the lines down in the sand.

Being at the ocean, one must never forget the shoreline is

determined by the tides. Even placing towels in the soft

dry sand does not guarantee the tide won't reach you.

We ended up moving our stuff quickly three times and

each time we thought we had reached a safe spot only

to be chased up the beach once more.

One small moment, one giant ride for Trevor

It started with a phone call. My hardworking man (HWM) had taken the kids to a neighboring park about 6 blocks away on a surprisingly warm day after a drizzly morning. Our 10 year old son, Trevor, indicated he wanted to go home but his sister and younger brother wanted no part of that. Taryn, at 7 years old, was waiting for a neighbor boy to show up. That will probably be several posts and a nervous breakdown later. Anyways, HWM decided if Trevor wanted to ride his bike home by himself he could and surprisingly Trevor did, thus the quick phone call to me. In that one moment and the two minutes of tense waiting for Trevor to come home it hit me, our son was growing up. From child to soon to be teenager, we had been preparing him a little at a time for his independence. The hard part of parenting is there is no set rule book on when to expect anything because all kids develop at their own pace. I should know, having to always readjust my expectations; Trevor is on the autism spectrum with limited speech. I think about all the baby steps we took in bringing us to this point. Trevor scooting on his big wheel before he could even reach the pedals. His first 12-inch bike with training wheels and making those tentative starts and stops on the driveway. And then graduating to a 16-inch bike with training wheels. He rode that bike so much the training wheels literally were bent straight up to the sky but he refused to let HWM remove them. HWM finally did one night while Trevor slept. An upset Trevor tried to reattach them and it took a few days for him to ride again. Now he rides so well on a 20 inch bike, I struggle to keep ahead of him. And safety has always been a top priority. Learning to cross the street and being aware of surroundings and wearing his helmet. And Trevor has always been attached to home and family and never wanted to wander by himself for which I am very thankful for. I also get a little too comfortable in that knowledge and it takes a situation like this to remind me that not only is Trevor growing up, I have to let him grow up. Like every parent we learn to let go of the rope a little at a time but when your child pulls the rope you can actually feel it slide a little out of your hands. It burns a little and you have to catch your balance but it's worth it to see the smile on his face when he walks through the door.

Trying on a new hat

We all wear them; actually we probably wear several at the same time. In our rush thru life sometimes we might forget which ones we are wearing until we notice maybe they don’t suit us anymore or we’ve let the hat or several hats become neglected. I know thru my life I’ve tried on new hats, enjoyed my current hats and shed hats, sometimes without realizing. I’ve met some people who make sure whatever hat they are wearing matches their outfit down to the last detail and some who wear them a bit more haphazardly. I know some people with so many hats; I don’t know how they keep track of them all and keep them in such good condition. The smart ones have figured out how to keep all those hats balanced on their heads without too many tumbles.

I’m not one that wears a tremendous number of hats (I have to keep my balance) though if I start counting it might surprise me. My everyday hats include my mommy hat, which is very tall and colorful, one for my spouse, which is red and a bit saucy, and my friend hat with its wide brim covered in ribbons and flowers. I have other hats that don’t get worn as often but every now and then will dust off and try them on to see if they fit. Then, on those late nights or early mornings when the kids are asleep, I take a look at my special collection. These hats haven’t been worn but I’ve kept them around in the hopes that I’ll have the courage to wear them. You know the hats I’m talking about, we all have them. I picked mine up somewhere long forgotten and every year see them and marvel at the different colors and the shapes. I hesitate and wonder as I try on this writing hat that has caught my eye. The color is bold yet dark and muted and the shape is kind of funky but I remember when I found this one and how much I enjoyed putting those first words on paper. Putting on this hat reminds me why I have been keeping this collection in the first place.
What kind of hat are you keeping around but not putting on? The extra time, feeling ready, the uncertainty of being able to keep all those hats from falling off are just some excuses I gave myself. For me, I’m ready to wear that off color, funky looking writing hat. Perhaps after reading this you’ll share your story of either when you finally put on that hat or describe that special hat you’ve been dying to try on. Until then stay tuned to see if I can keep my new hat from falling off.